‘My Secret Self: Trials and Tribulations of an Innocent’ – Series One
By: Christine U. Cowin
My Secret Self: Trials and tribulations of an Innocent Series One, is a very internal, story of my life and my impressions of the world around me, I keep my views of the world and others a secret. I feel misunderstood and if I shared my world I’d be laughed at. I see magic in nature and nature can be trusted to support me in my times of trouble. On my return home from school with my sister there’s a storm brewing and a message was conveyed to my on the dirt track we walked and little did I know my life was about to change when I received my first reminder to remember what I had to remember.
Our house is on a farm and everyone is involved in their own world of sadness, grief and I guess regrets. The unthinkable is happening to me under the noses of my caretakers. My father is abusing me and I am accepting his advances. I need lots of love and I can’t get enough and this makes me vulnerable to him.
My mother leaves my sister and me, with my grandma. My father uses me to comfort him and takes me with him as he searches for our mother. On her return we are caught and so my isolation and separateness changes my life. Primary school is tough and high school offers me knowledge and a better view of the world.
Freedom, a car a means to escape and my self-confidence grows my sister and old foes become friends. I am asserting myself and I am not going to be told what to do.
Available for sale from18/9/18
I grew up on a farm in Australia. I was one of three siblings. In my young childhood, I encountered sexual abuse by my father. My mother found out when I was eleven and seemed to think it was my fault. This caused me a lot of pain and isolation. I found it very difficult to make friends. I went through high school experiencing some good times and some difficult times. In my last years of high school, I decided to discipline myself and studied hard to pass with good marks. I would have loved to have continued on at school; however it was not in my parent’s vision.
I married early, had two children reared them, and they made their way in life. I divorced my husband to realise my life’s dream. I wanted to travel but I never thought I could financially.
I worked, bought my own home, and had many, many friends. I was always helping others but I couldn’t solve my own issues.
I studied at the Esoteric College in my home town. Here I had the opportunity to open myself fully to my spiritual self. Through this college, I was able to journey overseas to study in Italy.
When I was making arrangements to go to Egypt, before we went to Italy, I remembered where I had to go: Turkey.
In 1984, after seeing this fishing village in Turkey in a magazine, I thought I had to go there. The memories came flooding back and so I went to Egypt and to Italy, left the group and got on a train from Rome to Brindisi in Italy to catch a ferry boat to Samos, then on to Turkey. On touching Turkish soil, I knew I’d come home.
After a long month travelling around Turkey knowing it like the back of my hand, I sold all I owned in Australia in 2002 and went back to Turkey to live, not knowing what would unfold for me there. I just followed my spirit and went.
There I re-lived my life, awakened. In Turkey, I didn’t feel lost, misunderstood or angry. I felt I had purpose and direction. I learned to feel and be in my body, and I was not sailing through life. I had many experiences, met many people, and formed strong friendships. I was very popular there and learned many things.
I learnt I had to write my life story. I had to re-live my life, from age 7 through to my present age at that time, to write this story. Later on, I had to either study to get my Celta Certificate to teach English, or go home. Because I was short of money, I decided to return home. As I prepared to return home to Australia, I began to get angry.
In 2008 I returned to Australia and all those lost, misunderstood, and no-direction feelings, and feelings of unhappiness, returned. Now I had to unravel myself on a deeper level to unlock the secrets within me that were holding me back from stepping into the life I should be living.
That process would take me another 10 years. In 2018 I unlocked an unknown mystery that had me chained to fear, stopping me from moving forward, achieving my dreams, and living my true life’s purpose.
My books are a series. I invite you to walk with me as I journey into my secret self, expose those secrets, move into my truth, and live my true life.
Please visit www.christineucowinwriter.com